10 Ways to Create Employee Turnover

Are you tired of leading teams? Do you just wish everyone would quit so you don’t have to manage anymore, and you can do the job yourself? (After all, you probably do it better anyway…)

Here are a few tips to help you create employee turnover in your organization.

  1. Only address front-line staff performance issues. Managers can do whatever they want. So what if management doesn’t follow the same rules? Do as I say, not as I do…right?
  2. Do not take into consideration that people have lives outside of work. Their kids are sick? Too bad. They like to hang out with family on the weekends? So sad. They have to work because you said so.
  3. If a position opens up in your company do not, under any circumstances, promote anyone! The people that are already employees have jobs. They don’t need promotional and growth opportunities. Find some guy from the outside so you have an additional person to yell at.
  4. Always find someone to blame. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s their fault. Blame them anyway. If there’s no reason to blame, then make one up! Someone always has to be at fault.
  5. Create unnecessary work. That’s right. Develop new meaningless processes and systems that are inefficient for the sole purpose of creating more work for people.
  6. Don’t coach, just discipline. So what if you are manager? You shouldn’t have to coach. People are hired for a job and they should know how to do it. Be ready with your write up as soon as you catch them doing something wrong. Discipline is the only way to motivate people (and make them want to quit even more).
  7. Rate everyone’s performance as “Meets Expectations.” If you go any higher, you might risk having to give them a raise. So they went above and beyond…big deal. You can’t be recognizing star performers…this isn’t kindergarten.
  8. Set high expectations and goals, but don’t tell anyone what they are. That way, people won’t even know when they’re messing up. And then you can catch them off guard with one of those write-ups we talked about!
  9. Do not try to teach, grow, or develop your team. That just makes people happy. We wouldn’t want that, would we?
  10. Yell – Often. When you walk in the office, your goal is to have everyone get quiet. You want to instill the fear in them. Make them wonder who’s gonna get it next!

Try these tips and you’re sure to put your whole team on the hunt for new employment. Then you get to start over…fresh meat! Employee Turnover! YES! Hire. Make miserable. Repeat. It’s that simple.