10 Ways to Become a Horrible Communicator

Are things just going too smoothly? Does everyone seem to be in harmony and all on the same page? Here are a few ways to really rock the boat and make everyone hate communicating with you. Then you don’t have to be a communicator at all!

  1. Avoid eye contact. You know people expect you to look at them when they’re talking to you. So instead, just look around, find the brightest, shiniest object you can and focus on that instead. Or better yet, just put your face flat down on your desk!
  2. Multi-task while you’re communicating. Pick up your phone. Send a text message. Update your Facebook status. Pick your nose. Shoot, might as well play a game of Candy Crush to really punch your point. How can anyone actually expect you to give your full attention?
  3. Beat around the bush. Who likes a person that gets to the point?
  4. Put off communication as long as possible. You know how sometimes you DREAD having those difficult conversations? Eh, who needs them? Just don’t have them. Avoid it as long as you can, then you don’t have to deal with it.
  5. Tell everyone but the person who needs to know. This one is a no-brainer. If your project deadline has been moved up, make sure to let everyone in the office know but the person managing the project. It’ll be funny to see her reaction when she finally finds out she’s behind on everything!
  6. Use email – it’s easier. You know when you have to have those tough conversations, like telling an employee that they need to practice better hygiene? Just don’t. Send an email instead. “Dear employee: You stink.” The end.
  7. Interrupt – what you have to say is more important. Yes, what they’re saying might be important to them, but make sure you get to put your two cents in! Change the subject if you want. Tell them about what a great night you had last night, or how you were two hours late this morning. It’s probably more important than what they were going to tell you anyway.
  8. Sigh heavily. Hopefully they’ll get the hint and just walk away.
  9. Show what you’re really thinking using your body language. We always tell people to monitor their body language, but hey, if you’re thinking the person sounds like a complete buffoon, make sure your face shows it! Roll your eyes and cross your arms. Their reaction will be priceless!
  10. Don’t listen…at all. I’m sorry…what did you say?

Follow our 10-step program, and people will hate communicating with you so much, that maybe they’ll just quick talking to you altogether.