10 Ways to be a Jerk Boss, and a Pretty Lousy Manager

Looking for ways to really lock in that jerk persona you’ve been working so hard on? When being rude just isn’t enough…try using something from this list. Here are some sure-fire ways to be a lousy manager.

  1. Ignore everything your employees have to say. When they tell you they really need Friday off, make sure they’re working extra-long hours that day. When they tell you they’re questioning the efficiency of a new procedure, make sure to implement it just how you wrote it. They don’t know what they’re talking about anyway…
  2. Belittle what’s important to them. Just because it’s important to them, doesn’t mean it has to be important to you. Who cares?
  3. Take their best ideas and make them your own. So what if they came up with the latest and greatest? Nobody has to know that. You’re the manager. You should get the credit!
  4. Publicize their problems. When they come to you with something confidential, it’s obvious they want it known. Make sure everyone knows exactly what problems your employees are having.
  5. Yell at them in front of everybody. No one likes to be publicly scrutinized. Wait for a staff meeting, and address that issue that’s been bugging you…in front of everybody.
  6. Cut their pay for no reason at all. Your company is not struggling. You just want a new pair of shoes. You’re already paying them too much as it is. Cut their pay and make sure they are still doing the same amount of work.
  7. Put your nose into everything they do. You’re the manager. You’re supposed to know EVERYTHING! Make sure to question everything they do. Get into their stuff, constantly ask questions, and try to micromanage as much as possible.
  8. Change a procedure, and don’t bother telling them. They don’t need to know what’s going on in your world. If you want to make changes, you will do that. Just let them keep going on as normal, wasting their time doing things the wrong way.
  9. Give them a nickname they hate. If someone tells you in confidence that in school he used to be called “Bucktooth Billy,” make sure to address him by that name from now on.
  10. Make everything about YOU. After all, they work for you. You are what is important. Everything that’s done should be about you…right?

If none of these work, you’re obviously not trying hard enough. Reach inside…find your inner jerk!