Keeping Score: Winning or losing?
3 Minute Read“I HATE DRAMA!” We say it all the time. We do everything we can to avoid the drama: the petty arguments between co-workers, the disagreements between spouses, the “politics” that seem to cloud everyone’s ability to make rational decisions. Make it stop!And no matter what we do, it seems like somehow, drama finds us. Maybe it’s your employee who always seems to question your decisions. Maybe it’s a co-worker who interrupts you every day for things that don’t matter. Or maybe it’s your teenager constantly questioning your authority. If you say the sky is blue, they tell you you’re wrong. They know how to get your blood boiling, and some days, you just want to pull your hair out!
Drama
Is it possible, though, that we may also enjoy a certain amount of conflict in our lives? Consider if you gain any personal satisfaction from this drama. This so-called “drama” gives us stories to share. Think about it – how often do you have a really crappy day, and then go home to tell your spouse or a close friend about it? Most of us would openly say that we are exhausted by all this drama, yet we continue to engage in behaviors that feed the fire. Consider if you contributed to it. Or at a minimum, didn’t do anything to make it better. We need to ask ourselves this question: What do we gain from perpetuating the cycle?We often tell ourselves that if our employees would stop being so difficult, then we could actually work together. If our children would just listen, we wouldn’t fight as often. Typically, we find ourselves free of blame with positive intention, while counting the many faults and missteps of the other party. This helps us to feel justified about the negative feelings we have about the other person. We keep a long list of the wrongs that others have done. And when we choose to never forget these perceived selfish behaviors, it’s called “Keeping Score.”
Keeping Score usually begins innocently, when we perceive a meaningless situation to be more than it was actually intended to be.
Keeping Score usually begins innocently, when we perceive a meaningless situation to be more than it was actually intended to be. It is human nature that when faced with a problem or difficult situation, we tend to assign blame to another party. Sometimes, we may unconsciously feel the need to justify our own questionable behavior. In the end, we don’t have to take any responsibility for the problem.Ending the cycle of scorekeeping isn’t important if you don’t care about fixing the relationship. Nor is it important if you have nothing to gain by working together. But, if you believe that relationships are important to your success and the success of your organization, you must be willing to take a different approach. You have to possess a desire to create a positive environment, even when someone disappoints you, has a difference of opinion, or angers you. You must take responsibility for your actions and be open to hearing other points of view.“My how you’ve changed since I’ve changed.” If you take responsibility for ending the cycle, you might be surprised at how others react in return.Continue with the same habits that lead to the same outcomes. Or instead, join Revela at our 14th Annual Success Event at the Ralston Arena. Break the cycle. We’ll see you on Friday, May 1st!Click here to register!Sick of keeping score? Believe in positive intent![bctt tweet="Keeping Score usually begins innocently, when we perceive a meaningless situation to be more than it was actually intended to be." username="RevelaGroup"]