Navigating Peer Conflict: Strategies for Success
Do you find it difficult to address disagreements with your peers? In this episode, learn how to approach your peers, express your concerns constructively, and work towards a resolution. Providing practical strategies for handling these uncomfortable conversations; Andrea and Michelle explore effective strategies for navigating conflict in the workplace.
Discover how assuming good intentions, framing the conversation positively, and using "I" statements to express your perspective builds stronger relationships and fosters a more collaborative environment.
Takeaways
Approaching peers about conflict requires skill and practice.
Understanding personal fears can help in addressing conflict.
Effective communication starts with recognizing intentions.
Leaders should teach their teams how to have difficult conversations.
It's important to clarify expectations to avoid misunderstandings.
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How to Have Difficult Conversations with Peers at Work
Mastering Difficult Conversations: A Guide to Navigating Peer Conflict at Work
Your stomach drops as you see a meeting invite pop up from a colleague with no context. "What did I do wrong?" "Are they upset with me?" "What could this be about?" Sound familiar?
In this eye-opening episode of The Leadership Hustle podcast, hosts Andrea Fredrickson and Michelle Hill tackle one of the most requested topics from their audience: how to have those uncomfortable conversations with peers when issues arise.
"I struggle with this," admits Andrea Fredrickson. "If I know I'm going to be talking to someone about something that might be uncomfortable... I'm trying not to call it conflict because I don't know that there's going to be conflict. I'm projecting that it's going to be conflict."
It's time to transform these dreaded interactions into productive conversations that strengthen professional relationships rather than strain them.
Why We Avoid Difficult Conversations at Work
Let's face it – difficult conversations with colleagues are rarely on anyone's wish list. As Michelle Hill notes with a touch of humor, only "about 6% of the population" might wake up thinking "I can't wait to get to the office and have a conversation because we disagree on something." For the rest of us, these conversations often feel daunting.
Common Fear Triggers
The resistance to these conversations often stems from our own internal narratives. We create elaborate scenarios in our minds about how badly the conversation might go, building up fears and anxieties before we've even said a word.
The Cost of Avoidance
When we avoid necessary conversations, small misunderstandings can grow into significant issues. "If we avoid it, then we're like, 'Oh God, this happened... this has been going on for six months and I still haven't said anything,'" Michelle explains.
This avoidance only compounds the problem, making the eventual conversation even more daunting.
The Building Blocks of Effective Peer Conversations
Before diving into a challenging conversation, it's essential to establish the right mindset and approach.
Andrea emphasizes a crucial first step: "Do you believe that other person's intentions are good or bad?
Because that will change the other person's mind right away. Most people are not waking up to screw up, and they're not just waking up to piss somebody off."
This foundation of assuming positive intent sets the stage for more productive dialogue. The key elements include:
Recognizing that most issues stem from misunderstandings rather than malice
Understanding that having these conversations is a skill that can be developed
Acknowledging that your own fears might be causing you to project conflict where none exists
Approaching the conversation as an opportunity for mutual understanding rather than confrontation
"Having those types of conversations, it's a skill," Michelle reminds us. "And so just like any sport, we need to get better at it. We need to get some different framework that we can utilize, we need to practice, we need to get feedback, we need to practice more and to get better at it."
Starting the Conversation Right
The opening moments of a difficult conversation often set the tone for everything that follows.
As Andrea emphasizes, the key is to approach these conversations as requests for help rather than confrontations.
The Power of Asking for Help
"Most people want to help you," Michelle points out, highlighting one of the most effective ways to open a difficult conversation.
Instead of approaching the situation as a complaint or criticism, try these proven openers:
"I need your help with something"
"I've got a couple of things I want to run by you"
"I have a dilemma and I need your perspective"
These approaches immediately shift the conversation from potentially confrontational to collaborative.
Setting the Right Context
When it comes to timing these conversations, one size doesn't fit all. "The approach is getting permission when you approach them," Michelle explains.
Some people prefer an impromptu conversation, while others need time to prepare mentally.
Andrea shares a practical tip: "The drop by doesn't scare people without saying 'Here's my meeting invitation.' Like, 'what's this for?'" However, she also emphasizes giving the other person a choice: "Can we talk about that now, or would you need to finish what you're doing?"
The Art of the "I" Statement
Moving beyond the initial approach, how you frame your concerns can make or break the conversation.
The hosts emphasize the power of "I" statements in keeping discussions productive and non-confrontational.
Effective "I" statements might include:
"I'm concerned about..."
"I feel frustrated when..."
"I'm worried that I might have misunderstood..."
As Andrea points out, "I'm concerned or I'm afraid of how I'm going to come across as I say this. So let me just say it, knowing that my intentions are we're going to be fine when we have this conversation."
This vulnerability and honesty can help create a safe space for open dialogue. Michelle adds, "I need to talk to you about something... and it's not going to be perfect. You know, I might say some things wrong and I might need to correct myself. But if we don't have this conversation because it's not perfect in my mind, it's going to be worse off."
Understanding Different Communication Preferences
One of the most valuable insights from the podcast is recognizing that different people have different needs when it comes to difficult conversations.
Michelle emphasizes this point: "You're going to have some people that are like, 'If I'm making you mad or upsetting you or not meeting your expectations, just freaking tell me. Tell me now.' And then you're going to have some people that are 'I need to be prepared.'"
Understanding these differences is crucial for successful communication:
For Direct Communicators:
Prefer immediate feedback
Want straightforward conversations
Appreciate getting to the point quickly
For Those Who Need Preparation:
Prefer advance notice
Need time to process
Appreciate scheduled discussion times
"Everything is unique to itself," Michelle reminds us, "and we all have different needs. And depending on how we're feeling at the moment... we're juggling so many emotions."
Common Misunderstandings and How to Address Them
Perhaps the most encouraging revelation from the podcast is that most conflicts arise from simple misunderstandings.
"Eighty percent plus" of issues, according to Michelle and Andrea, stem from unclear expectations or incomplete information rather than intentional problems.
Andrea illustrates this with a common scenario: "Hey Michelle, I don't understand why the report always comes in on Monday when I need them on Friday... And the reason I need them on Friday is because I work on them over the weekend, but you don't get them to me. So now I'm behind and I didn't know that. And she didn't know this, right?"
This example highlights several key points:
What seems obvious to one person may not be clear to another
Many conflicts arise from unstated expectations
Clear communication can prevent most issues
As Michelle points out, "If a person's not meeting your expectations, there's some ownership that can go both directions here. How good of a job did I do at helping them understand those expectations and provide them training and feedback?"
Leaders' Role in Peer Conflict
For those in leadership positions, there's a crucial lesson about empowering team members to handle their own conflicts.
Andrea strongly emphasizes, "If I could get anybody to stop doing one thing, it would be stop taking on someone else's problem. It's not yours. Your job is to make sure the problem gets solved. Not always to solve the problem."
Instead of jumping in to fix situations, leaders should guide their team members through the process by asking:
"What steps have you taken so far?"
"How would you start this conversation?"
"What do you believe about this person?"
This approach not only resolves the immediate issue but also builds conflict resolution skills across the organization.
Transform Your Workplace Conversations Today
The path to better workplace conversations isn't about avoiding conflict, it's about approaching it with the right mindset and tools.
As Andrea reminds us, "We make up these stories in our head and just go through this scenario... Wait a second, we're talking about something that hasn't even happened. We're worried about something that hasn't happened yet."
Success in difficult conversations comes down to three key principles:
Assume positive intentions from your colleagues
Frame conversations as collaborative problem-solving opportunities
Be clear and specific about your needs while remaining open to others' perspectives
The result? As Michelle notes, most people find that "that was a little better than I thought it was going to be," or ask themselves, "Why didn't I say this earlier?"
Remember, every successful difficult conversation you navigate builds your confidence and strengthens your professional relationships. I
It's not about being perfect, it's about being willing to engage in honest, respectful dialogue.
Take the Next Step in Your Leadership Journey
Ready to transform the way you handle workplace conversations?
Revela's expert coaching can help you and your team develop the skills needed to navigate even the most challenging discussions with confidence and professionalism.
Don't let fear of difficult conversations hold you or your team back. Contact Revela today to learn how our targeted coaching programs can help you build stronger workplace relationships and more effective communication skills.
Visit our website or call (712) 322-1112 to schedule a consultation with our experienced team.
The Leadership Hustle podcast is produced by Two Brothers Creative.
About the Hosts
Andrea Fredrickson
Andrea Fredrickson is a thought leader and consultant at Revela, an organization based in Omaha, Nebraska specializing in the development of leaders, culture alignment, and business strategy for private and family businesses of all sizes. Revela is one of the region's most experienced thought challengers, helping individuals and companies find their greatness. Andrea has built an amazing team by believing that fundamentally people want to be successful and become better versions of themselves.
Michelle Hill
Michelle Hill is a master facilitator and coach at Revela, an organization specializing in the development of leaders and aligning the culture of privately held and family businesses of all sizes. Revela is one of the region's most experienced thought challengers, helping individuals and companies find their greatness.
TRANSCRIPT
Andrea Fredrickson: : In this episode of The Leadership Hustle, we'll talk about how do you have a conversation with a peer when you don't agree? Hello and welcome to The Leadership Hustle for executives whose companies are growing fast and need leaders who are ready. Hey there. Welcome back to this episode of The Leadership Hustle. I'm Andrea Fredrickson.