Leadership Coaching: What Leaders Get Wrong & How To Fix It

This is a written Transcription for the Leadership Hustle episode about Leadership Coaching: What Leaders Get Wrong & How To Fix It, from Season 1 Episode 19.

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Andrea Frederickson: So you think you're a good coach? Most leaders do. In this episode of The Leadership Hustle, we'll discuss a three part model to help you get coaching. Right. Hello, and welcome to the Leadership Hustle. For executives whose companies are growing fast and need leaders who are ready. So coaching. How many times a day, Michelle, do you hear leaders talk about. Oh, I have to coach this person or. Yes, I want some coaching or, you know, the word coaching comes up.

 

Michelle Hill: It comes up with everything.

 

Andrea Frederickson: Everything.

 

Michelle Hill: Right? It's like this umbrella and just you just put a bunch of stuff under it is what people refer to as coaching. And and then people that are in the environment start confusing what coaching is as well. And actually coaching can get such a negative perspective with the employees because they will use the performance plan and improvement and improvement performance plan. If I can communicate and but they call that coaching and then so people then view. If you try to use the word coaching any other time, it feels like discipline, right. So in those environments at least.

 

Andrea Frederickson: So one of the things that we have noticed over the years that we've been doing this is people use the word coaching for a variety of different behaviors. So whether it is I'm training them, they call that coaching. If I'm giving them feedback on something, I'm coaching, if we're having a dialogue and we're learning about something, we're coaching. If somebody is not performing well and we need to have the coaching conversation or I have to counsel this person, they're not talking about counseling. They're talking. They use the word coaching. Coaching. Right. And so people just don't know what lens to or what filter to listen through when, when their manager or when people are using the word coaching. And so let's talk a little bit about let's talk about the main three like what are the main three categories of of this process that people confuse that coaching is like let's just for our audience's sake, clear some things up.

 

Michelle Hill: So so first up, yeah, I mean, if you're saying three things, I think it's pretty logical when you have a new employee or they're introducing something new to someone, you start with training always. Yeah. I mean, we're training and training is just not telling them once there is a process that goes involved in training that engages them, lets them practice it, you're having conversations with them and which then can eventually, once we've introduced it, talk them through it, gave them a little bit of opportunities to experience it. Then we can start transitioning into our day to day coaching, of developing them to become really good at whatever it is we started training them on. Right. So then so coaching, I'm sorry, training, coaching. And then the third, which is really an ugly blurry line, is discipline, right? Because oftentimes because it's so blurred, people feel if they're using the word coaching they're in trouble because. They don't create a clarity of the discipline piece of it. They cause them to still feel like they're in coaching and it's like, no, we have to have more of a official conversation.

 

Andrea Frederickson: So on a continuum, if you look at this on a line, a continuing line, 20% of something probably is going to be training. You're introducing the idea, you're introducing the Y, you're giving them the technique, you're giving them, helping them answer, get some answers to questions and things like that. And then there's other 20% on the other end is maybe or 10% is this discipline. And discipline isn't about being mad at the person. This is a negative consequence to a lack of meeting expectation. That's really what that is repetitively repetitive, right? And oftentimes I'll will hear people go from training. I told them training. I reminded them to discipline and they forget the other 70 to 80%, which is the the collaborative part of of what goes on on a day to day basis, which is what we really call coaching. And it's people doing something, getting feedback. Yes, that's right. Here's what we need to adjust. Here's how to make it better. Right. Or if you want to do something different, or if you want to do something more involved with that, here's some more feedback to get you to a higher level.

 

Michelle Hill: Right. And a lot of a lot of open ended questions. How do you want to handle that? How have you what's worked just recently? What did you adjust? How would you make it better? I mean, the coaching piece is engaging them in the dialogue, getting them thinking and really getting them involved in developing that skill right or solving a problem, whatever that may be.

 

Andrea Frederickson: Right? Well, you used a really important word there. That and the word is dialogue. So oftentimes. What we'll hear people do is like, we'll have to have this event that's coaching. I'm like.

 

Michelle Hill: That's the blur.

 

Andrea Frederickson: That's the blur. It's like, does not have to be an event because now we've made it something bigger than what it really needs to be. Right. So if if I have an employee who is struggling or didn't meet an expectation, whether it was something was late or something wasn't quite right, or, you know, they're the graphs weren't correct in some kind of PowerPoint, whatever that was that wasn't right. If I wait till tomorrow or the next day when I'm scheduled to have my one on one or I scheduled this appointment, it's like, oh, we need to talk. That's what the employee here is like, oh crap.

 

Michelle Hill: Yeah, I'm in trouble, right?

 

Andrea Frederickson: I'm in trouble versus, hey, I want to talk about this PowerPoint slide and how we can make this look differently. These are some preferences I have. Let's have this conversation. Let's dialogue dialogue. What would you do differently or how would you like to see this different? I'm looking for something like this asking some questions. Now let's agree upon what the outcome is and move forward, because coaching is truly helping another person meet an agreed upon future state. Yes, right. And so making sure that we have those conversations and it's simply a conversation. It's people.

 

Michelle Hill: It's not an event, it's just a conversation. And so I mean, we've given examples on the coaching component of more of that technical training, how to do your job or whatever that may be. Right. But oftentimes what I really hear often, as I said, often twice here, but what I really hear is it's the little things of people, of what people do that take a person from, we've told you to now discipline. Right. And it's more I want to say it's a little more behavioral. It may be the use of a cell phone. It may. It's the things in how we get things done. It's how we work. What are those expectations? Some particular organizations have positions that have people that need to be in at 8 a.m. for X, Y, Z. Right. And the person shows up at 805. Now they feel they have to coach them. And it's like, well, with that attitude, are you mad about it or are we going to try to find out what happened? You know, let's let's first again, it goes back to the dialogue, right. And creating clarity of let's first what happened. What you know, tell me what's going on. Let's talk about why we have this. Why do you think or why do you believe we need to be here at 8:00 Am. And that's that coaching. It's helping people understand the why behind it. Because a lot of times when the things that we do, whether it's it's the various little things and how we run our business, right. A lot of times people just don't understand why that's important. They may not realize that, why the cell phone is a safety issue. Right? You know, and again, everyone's environments are so unique. So sometimes the 8 or 5 or 8 or 10 or the cell phone is not an issue at yours, but there are going to be things that are. And what are those? And those are those coaching opportunities to create clarity of what we need of them.

 

Andrea Frederickson: And as you were, as you were talking there, I was hearing the shift between an attitude of, I have, you know, now I'm mad at them because I have to flip and do my job as a manager and coach. Right. That's really what your job is, is to help people find a way to perform the job they're supposed to, and the way that your expectations have been established. Right. And it's like this whole the attitude of coaching is simply, how do you help somebody perform? How do you help somebody do what they do better, stronger, faster? How do you help? How do you help them be a good coworker person? In this environment, we do it all the time in our home environments, right? Maybe. Well, some do, right. I make the assumption that many people, many people do, and yet we don't think about it. Well, we have to have a coaching session, right? We sit behind the kitchen table and we're going, it's like, well, that's a little bit more formal.

 

Michelle Hill: Versus just a.

 

Andrea Frederickson: Conversation.

 

Michelle Hill: Yes, most of the time it's just a conversation. It's funny you brought that up because yesterday during one of our celebrations with one of our groups, an individual had mentioned something that he took away from all of our sessions was the he had gotten himself in this mindset that he has to I have to do this. I have to do this versus I get to sure. And that whole I get to develop, I get to have coaching conversations. I get to help someone perform and do grow and impact their future. He didn't realize he was going down that that route of I have to and how that has such a negative ripple effect as well. And it also can cause people to feel like. It's more discipline that his approach was possibly more of a direct, more of a maybe negative versus the I get to help you I get to yeah.

 

Andrea Frederickson: Well, and I think that we're talking about manager to employee and it's completely okay for a peer to peer to coach somebody on how to do something and say, hey, by the way, I was looking for this report to be done. I didn't get it. What's up right now? Here's what I was meant. Oh, right. This conversation, this dialogue is a coaching coaching conversation. Yes.

 

Michelle Hill: Right. And that goes back to a little bit of our culture. Do we have a culture where there's peer to peer accountability. Right. Peer to peer conversations of helping them as well. And oh, I notice you're struggling or I notice you've had some questions today. I want to help you, but let's maybe look at a couple of things that might help you actually before we dive into this.

 

Andrea Frederickson: So so there's different levels of coaching in the feedback part, which is how do you help people get to perform the responsibilities they have today. Right. And so that's the training. And then how did they get some time to practice and how do they get the feedback. And and how can we support them in gaining that skill. So it's part of their habit. And then there's the development of here's the next level. And so you're going to another level and now becomes a developmental. And so how do we help somebody. Would you like to go to more of a high performing position or a high performing role or high performing skill set in, in this particular role that you're in? And so all of those are coaching. It's very, very few people who need discipline. Correct. And part of that comes from the mindset, the attitude of coaching. It needs to be dialogue, treating co-workers as adults, not people who have to be managed and controlled and disciplined. Because I don't know any adult. I don't know any child either who likes to be disciplined. Right. And so, yes, there are times where.

 

Michelle Hill: I if you jump right to it, you're creating that environment of fear.

 

Andrea Frederickson: Right? And so it becomes an environment where now it's you're doing something negatively to have an to have an impact on that person. But the process is negative or we assume it's negative. Yes. And I think that what we have to recognize as good coaches is let's recognize what the different stages are. Training. You cannot coach without training. Correct. You have to start. You have to start with delivering content expectations. Why?

 

Michelle Hill: How the expectations and why so much so big? Because I ask that question often, where a person feels they're going to have to go into discipline. And I'll ask the question, well, what's the clarity in the expectations? What does that look like over, you know, since you've started this. Right. And then they start second guessing themselves because they're like, well, I thought I was clear.

 

Andrea Frederickson: That's because you told them we don't know is what they understood.

 

Michelle Hill: Or did you even tell them? Because you get that too sometimes. Well, they should know this.

 

Andrea Frederickson: So we we do the training and we always have to provide training. And then the coaching is giving some critique, giving some feedback. People getting to ask questions, adjusting. Can we try this. What would happen here. Here's what I'm really looking for. Right. And so things.

 

Michelle Hill: Continue to sharpen clarity.

 

Andrea Frederickson: And then just this little space over here of.

 

Andrea Frederickson: A few that actually need discipline. But you have to check your head. What is your mindset. Are you going in believing this person's going to get it? This like what is the belief? What is my belief? How can I be that person to make sure they succeed in this role? Or is it? I'll believe you until now it's taken too much time or I've already told you a million times. Like how many times have we said the word telling is not training, right?

 

Michelle Hill: And so do they believe they have good intentions?

 

Andrea Frederickson: They believe they have good intentions. So. So you know, coaching I mean, we can we can make this a whole entire course just coaching, you know. But I think that the part that people most get messed up in the, in the process of coaching is using the word coaching for a variety of different things and not realizing that the majority of the time they spend in their leadership role should be on coaching, not the training. Training needs to happen, but 60 plus percent of the time that you're interacting with your folks should be on the coaching feedback, finding out what they need to to even have the custom information that they need to do their job in a different way, whatever the technique is, and and reserving that discipline to do, I really need to go there yet, or is there more or a different way I should be coaching this person to help them be successful? Thanks for joining us on this episode of The Leadership Hustle. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss another episode!